These are the lies I have already told my child about Santa Claus (and it is only November):

1) There is a troll that lives in our fireplace (our stand-alone, vent-free fireplace that has no chimney, I should add) that wakes up after Halloween to spy on him to make sure he is being good. If he is not, the troll will report back to Santa AND eat some of his Halloween candy.

2) Only I can see the troll.

3) Because the troll is afraid of children.

4) Because they are loud.

5) Even if you are NOT a loud child (which G quickly proclaimed he was not), trolls think kids are gross and full of boogers, so they won’t EVER show themselves to children.

Now how I came up with the boogers part, I don’t know. But I am sticking with it. Because it worked.

The problem is that I was not prepared for the start of the Santa Inquisition. He is not even five yet, and his questions are so SPECIFIC.

How does Santa know what he wants for Christmas? What if Santa can’t get what he wants?  Does he make the Transformers and Star Wars legos (the big ticket items this year) or does he get them from the store? If so, does he go to Target or Toys “R” Us? How does Santa see him? Does he watch from the sky? Is he like God? Do Santa and God know each other?*

Seriously. And these are all asked in a matter of a minute. This inquisition is tougher than my final Organic Chemistry exam.

So now every time the “Big S” comes up, I quickly try and change the subject because God knows what question will come out next.

Or what lie will come spilling out of my mouth. Next thing you know, G will be afraid to blow his nose or ever let us use our fireplace…

*That one really made me think. Any good answers to that one would be HIGHLY appreciated.

This entry was posted on Monday, November 16th, 2009 at 1:24 pm and is filed under Weekly Thought. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.