The Santa Conspiracy

Published Date: December 6th, 2012
Category: Weekly Thought

Remember when we were seven, going on eight and we learned there was no Santa Claus? Do you remember that moment when you realized life was against you, your parents were big fat liars, and the only people you could trust was your 7-year-old friend and his older brother, Andy?

I do. It was the worst day of my 7-year-old life, only to be followed by the 2nd worst day—the day I learned how babies were made.

I keep waiting for this day, wondering which path I will take when my son asks me if Santa is real. Will I fess up, shattering his trust in me, in the Christmas spirit, in all things considered jolly and young and carefree? Or, will I hold onto his childhood, his baby face and eager eyes and innocence ONE MORE YEAR, meaning he will hate me EVEN MORE since I just doubly lied to him about Santa being real?

Well, turns out I don’t think I will have to deal with it. Because although the gig is DEFINITELY up (I could see it in my son’s eyes as he dug into his St. Nicholas day stocking this morning), the difference between young 1981 me and the wiser, more crafty youth of this day is that they have all agreed to partake in the biggest sham of their lives so far:

The Santa Conspiracy

That’s right—all of this gaming and computer time and urban wiliness we have encouraged has made him (and I am pretty sure all of his friends) realize that if they never tell us they stopped believing in Santa Claus, they’ll keep getting Santa gifts until they’re 10? 12? 18?

We children of the 70’s and 80’s were total amateurs compared to the kids of today. Sure, they realize their parents suck and that the Easter Bunny and Tooth Fairy are probably phony concoctions as well, but why on earth should they fess up? So they can get less presents, less Easter candy, less money every time they lose a tooth (which seems to be every week)?

Oh no. These kids are onto us. And they’re riding this Santa Train all the way to Pile on the Presentsville.

Which now shows me that the joke is definitely on us, parents. I have this vision of my 16-year-old son studying for his driving exam while writing his yearly letter to Santa. Although by then the good news is that he can at least drive himself to the mall to go sit on Santa’s lap…

This entry was posted on Thursday, December 6th, 2012 at 10:04 am and is filed under Weekly Thought. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.

Leave a Reply