A Toothless Tooth Fairy?

Published Date: August 5th, 2011
Category: Weekly Thought

Why isn’t there some sort of guidance document or protocol for you to follow when your child loses his first tooth? Specifically in the:

a)      Tooth Fairy back-story

b)      Monetary transaction expectations

I have to say, we were utterly unprepared for this whole Tooth Fairy thing. Which is a trifle surprising since we have had SIX YEARS to come up with the Tooth Fairy back-story, but maybe we underestimated how difficult it would be to talk about her.

Because, really? The Tooth Fairy? Who came up with this gimmick? She’s worse than Grandparent’s Day. What child in their right mind is going to believe that some stupid fairy is going to:

a)      Know that a child has lost a tooth

b)      Care

c)      Care enough to give them money for it

My favorite question of G’s was:

“Well, what is she going to do with my tooth?”

And my utterly dumb response:

“Maybe she needs them for herself.”

G then asked:

“What, like she has no teeth?”

So now our son has a depressing vision of this tired, old toothless fairy that flies around paying children for their teeth so she can then disgustingly insert them into her OWN mouth in order to eat apples or corn.

Therefore I say this: Beware parents of children with a full set of teeth. Your day will come. Please make sure you are ready with appropriate amounts of small bills in your wallet and a better story than mine. Maybe your tooth fairy can be this hip young woman who makes cool jewelry out of children’s teeth (although, still a little creepy if you think about it). Or maybe your tooth fairy can grind the teeth into some sort of magic tooth fairy dust that makes bad children good or wide-awake children sleepy.

I don’t know. Just something better than a gummy, old woman.

And for those of you wondering what the going rate for a tooth is these days, watch out. Gone are the days of quarters. These children don’t understand the economy. They really have no desire to hear a diatribe about fiscal responsibility when they only receive fifty cents. Oh no, they want cold, hard cash.

In the end, our tooth fairy gave G $5 for his first tooth. I guess she really had a big plate of corn to eat that day…

This entry was posted on Friday, August 5th, 2011 at 8:30 am and is filed under Weekly Thought. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.

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