You Better be the Next Tiger Woods

Published Date: December 10th, 2010
Category: Weekly Thought

Without the sex addiction, of course.

I spent my morning at Dick’s Sporting Goods and found myself spending $100 on GOLFING equipment. And lest you think I am a golfer you should know this—3-year-old children have better scores than I do on the miniature golf course.

Oh no, the golfing equipment was for my 5-year-old son. And in case you are thinking, “Wow, John is really starting early. Maybe he has dreams of spending his summer weekends bonding on the greens with his son,” think again. John has dreams of bonding with his son ON THE COUCH. Or PLAYING LEGOS.

Neither of us play golf or have any interest in golf.

Which is why we now wish we had NEVER taken G miniature golfing 3 years ago in Door County. Because now he is a self-proclaimed golf fanatic. We have played at every miniature golf course in a 15-mile radius of Chicago and I spent about 5 hours looking for a golf camp for him to attend last summer.

Ergo the trip to Dick’s Sporting Goods to purchase him a golf set. Or clubs. Or whatever the correct term is for a grouping of golf paraphernalia.

Although the golf expert or pro or golf equipment specialist was incredibly helpful, I honestly felt like I was in my own Charlie Brown special, since whenever he started talking about the differences between the $120 set and the $80 set, my eyes would glaze over and I would eventually just hear,

“Well, this one has graphite clubs and whaaa whaaa whaaa whaaa, whaaa, whaaa whaaa whaaa…”

At one point just started referring to the different sets as “the Blue set” or “the Red set” so I had some idea of what he was saying.

In the end, I went with “the Blue set” because blue is G’s favorite color and it cost less money. Probably not the best way to put your son on the road to golf stardom.

Whatever. The kid now has clubs. Which he will get for his birthday. As to what I am going to do while he is playing all of this golf, I don’t know. I guess if I was really dedicated, I would be one of those parents who “learn with their children.” But I just can’t get past the thought of wearing those funny clothes (red cropped pants? Visors? Polo shirts? Unless I can show up in all black or in a full-length, strapless sundress, I’m afraid this is not happening for me) and horror of all horrors, wearing those UGLY SHOES.

Therefore, I am taking all suggestions of golf courses in the city. That are on the lake. And preferably have a nice bar. You can just look for me—I’ll be the one wearing all black and reading Vogue.

This entry was posted on Friday, December 10th, 2010 at 1:18 pm and is filed under Weekly Thought. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.

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