Cakewalk Junkie

Published Date: November 29th, 2010
Category: Weekly Thought

Hi. My name is Serena. And I’m a cakewalk junkie.

Now for those of you wondering, “what is she talking about? What is a cakewalk?”

Quite simply, a cakewalk is a way to hook your child on gambling at an early age. I mean it’s a cute fundraiser for his school.

Here is how it works:

1)      Some parent who has fond memories of cakewalks as a child volunteers to be in charge of this year’s cakewalk at her child’s Artisan Fair.

2)      The parent then starts collecting names of parents who will donate a cake or 12 cupcakes to the event.

3)      When this doesn’t work, the parent GUILTS her friends into donating a cake or 12 cupcakes to the event.

4)      Then, the parent panics, because she just remembered that she HATES baking.

5)      The parent calls her mother-in-law (i.e., Supermother), who graciously agrees to bake 7 cakes.

6)      Now the parent’s husband figures out appropriate songs to be played at the cakewalk. His normal music tastes range from Naked Raygun to Belle & Sebastian, so this is a bit tricky.

7)      After the music is selected, both parents argue as to who should create 15 cards with numbers written LARGELY and NEATLY on them that then need to be laminated.

8)      Parent #1 somehow figures out how to get all 30 donated cakes to her son’s school by 9 am on Saturday while her husband takes her son to his last soccer game.

9)      Both parents forgot that their son’s last soccer game was on the same day and time as the now DREADED cakewalk.

10)  After the numbers are set up in a circle, the cakes are arranged on some sort of card table (that still needs to be acquired), and children line up with their money (the amount also still needs to be decided), walk around the circle of numbers to music (which is hopefully not Jay-Z) and when the music stops, they stand on a number. A number is pulled out of a hat (that is if the parents remember to create a SEPARATE stack of numbers to indeed be pulled out of the hat) and if the #10 is called, whichever child is standing on #10 gets to pick a cake. Much to his parents’ delight, as the child will most DEFINITELY assume that it is HIS cake and that he gets to EAT IT ALL BY HIMSELF.

After reading this I know you are wondering, “What is so fun about this? Why is she a cakewalk junkie?”

Because in my 8 years of participating in cakewalks, I never won a damn cake. That’s right. No cake for me. And every year I kept playing and every year, I went home with no cake, but some sort of goldfish in a plastic bag filled with water that my parents would have to quickly figure out how to take care of.

Therefore, I have deemed this year as “The Year I Win a Cake.” That’s right—I am organizing the cakewalk just so I can fix the game. So if you do come to our son’s Artisan Fair (held at Waters School, 12/4, 10-3 pm, 4540 N. Campbell), you better get out of my way. Because that cake IS MINE…

This entry was posted on Monday, November 29th, 2010 at 12:41 pm and is filed under Weekly Thought. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.

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