You Totally Would Have Done the Same Thing

Published Date: July 11th, 2008
Category: Weekly Thought

 

It took me three years, but I finally did it.

 

I was finally the neighbor hosing her naked child off in her front yard.

 

And at the end of it, he started squealing,

 

“No more! No more! Cold!”

 

But I kept hosing (for ten more seconds).

 

You betcha.

 

Even when a group of women lumbering out of their minivan stared at me for a minute and then did a cluster whisper before they lumbered off. The way my day was going, I just could not fathom spending the rest of my afternoon scrubbing poop off of our aging living room couch.

 

To back it up, here is how it all started.

 

I was physically and emotionally spent from a 4-day weekend up in Michigan with my parents and had just driven two hours with a child who decided napping is for sissies. We arrived at our humid house and I let him inside and started bringing our nine million pieces of “stuff” in from the car which was parked right outside. While I was rummaging around in the trunk, G opened up the front door and called out,

 

“Mama! Went pee-pee in my pants!”

 

And then just stood there and looked at me.

 

Like I had some magical answer of what to do.

 

So I responded with,

 

“No problem–just take them off and I will be right inside!”

 

Next thing you know, G was on the front porch, totally naked with poop smeared all over his backside happily waving at neighbor Tom who was walking his dogs.

 

Oh dear.

 

Also, did I mention, I am one of those squeamish mothers when it comes to poop? Just the THOUGHT of throwing poop out from a diaper into the toilet or even worse, RUBBING POOP out of a pair of  Thomas the Tank Engine underpants makes me want to hurl.

 

With that said, I promptly instructed G to march down the stairs and stand on the sidewalk while I used my lovely pink hose nozzle to wash off his backside (I at least used the “shower” setting).

 

Was it a good decision?

 

Probably not.

 

Was it an act that the DCFS would question?

 

Probably, but not enough to drag me off to Bad Parents’ Court.

 

And so went another day of “Things I Never Thought I Would Do” in parenthood.

 

This entry was posted on Friday, July 11th, 2008 at 8:59 am and is filed under Weekly Thought. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.

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